Greetings to all,

I know some of you are wondering how I am doing with the recent death of my older brother Peter.  He passed away in Federal Prison on Wednesday the 12th.  He had just turned 36 in February.  The Federal Prison told my dad that it could be sickness or murder.  The body has been sent to my dad this weekend which tells me the autopsy is done but they told my dad there is further investigation and they cannot tell him how he died yet.  I have a feeling that he was murdered.  This would not surprise me knowing my brother, it could be gang related.

It was hard for me at first… thinking about his eternal state.  I had a strong feeling when I first arrived in Mexico that my brother would die soon.  It was like the Holy Spirit was warning me and preparing me.  I asked myself, before his death took place, if it happens while I'm in Mexico what should I do?  I pondered the question with the Lord and believed that I would need to learn to go on.

Praise God, He has given me the strength to go on.  I know without Him I would fall hard and be lead by too many strong emotions.  But the Lord helped me to run to Him immediately for comfort.  I knew I had to run to Him or else my flesh would want to understand things that will not give me rest or could easily put the blame on someone, that would have blinded me to the reality of my brother's own wicked heart.

I tell you the truth, God is faithful to comfort when we direct our cry to Him.  God has truly brought healing to me quick.  We can let trials separate us from God or draw us closer to Him.  I chose to draw close to Him, knowing He is perfect, holy, and righteous in ALL His ways.

It seems that I have gone through many trials in Mexico, but like Paul, I see that I needed them so that I would not trust in myself, but God alone (2Cor.1:9)!  By no means am I saying my trials are like Paul's, but that God uses all trials to crush us and make us depend on Him.  The crushing did not feel good at the time but what crushing does?  But when I saw my own heart in light of God, I said "God let the crushing go on", knowing in me is nothing good.  But Christ must be all in all!

The Word becomes so alive when we allow the cross to crucify us.  I truly understand how trials do make His children more genuine in the faith (1Peter4:12-13).  We need trials beloved!  That's what crushes us from ourselves and makes us alive in God!  If we do not allow the cross to have it's way with us then the self will not die.

I have been truly humbled since being here in Mexico.  I have learned much about myself that I was blind to in Dallas.  The Lord has been using the time here to break my heart, to expose me to much of my own heart that I was clueless of.  I felt so weak, but it was good because it caused me to cry out and confess to God that I am so very weak and in need of Him.

It is so easy to get so prideful and self dependent and not realize it.  Like Paul the Apostle, I see that trials are good and want them in my life to help me always see my need for God, reminding me of how weak I am, and seeing how faithful God is.  If we would let the cross have it's way it would keep us humbled and always desperate for God!

Oh, if we do not see ourselves as nothing we will get easily prideful and self righteous!  We must see that it is all God and without Him we can do nothing(John15:5).  There is nothing to boast about in man, without God we would not even have such godly desires, nor pure love.  Without the Lord we would still be in lust to the world, bound by sin.  Oh saints, we have nothing to boast about in ourselves.. for if it wasn't for Jesus we would still be living in total wickedness bound by great evils.

Think about Paul's conversion.  He was in the middle of persecuting the saints and right in the middle of his hate for the saints and then God graciously wakes him up!  I don't believe Paul was thinking about wanting to know Jesus when he was on the road to Damascus!  He was burning with hate for the saints then Jesus Sovereignly awakes him right in the middle of his insanity.  All of us who are His have the same awakening.  We did not choose Him but He chose us.  Yes, we may deceive ourselves and think we chose Him first because we had spiritual hunger experiences leading to our conversion, but the Lord was the one who gave us all those hungers!

For the scriptures says:

Rom. 3:11-13

11 There is none who understands;
      There is none who seeks after God.
       12 They have all turned aside;
      They have together become unprofitable;
      There is none who does good, no, not one."
       13 " Their throat is an open tomb;
       With their tongues they have practiced deceit"


John 6:44
44 No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day.


Oh, if we would ponder our old ways and look into our motives we would see how desperately wicked we once were; and if God didn't bring such trials into our lives today we would be consumed with self.  This should show our need for continual dependence upon God.

I truly see I have nothing to boast about and that in me is nothing good, but the Spirit who dwells in me, and praise the Lord, works through me!  It is God alone who deserves all the glory and praises.  I would not be awakened to such purity, sound mind, self control if it wasn't for Him.  I would not desire to forsake this evil world and set my mind on heavenly things if it wasn't for Him.  I would not be able to go on and overcome all the trials and temptations from the world if it wasn't for the grace of God!  No man deserves glory and praises.  It is God alone who deserves all praises and glory!  Even if He left me in my own wicked state He would still be Holy and Just!

One thing we must be careful of is brining God down to our own reasoning.  He is not like man, He is God and does as He pleases and all His ways are perfect.  It is a dangerous thing to try to understand God with human reasoning when we do not want to accept certain truths because it does not line up with our reasoning or experiences.  What does God say when we bring Him down to our reasoning?

Job 38:2

 2 "Who is this who darkens counsel
      By words without knowledge?



 4 " Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?
      Tell Me, if you have understanding.

 5 Who determined its measurements?
      Surely you know!
      Or who stretched the line upon it?

 6 To what were its foundations fastened?
      Or who laid its cornerstone,

 7 When the morning stars sang together,
      And all the sons of God shouted for joy?

Romans 9:18-21
Therefore He has mercy on whom He wills, and whom He wills He hardens.
You will say to me then, "Why does He still find fault? For who has resisted His will?" But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to him who formed it, "Why have you made me like this?"  Does not the potter have power over the clay, from the same lump to make one vessel for honor and another for dishonor?

Remember this and meditate on this:

Job 12:13-25

13 "With Him are wisdom and strength,
      He has counsel and understanding.

 14 If He breaks a thing down, it cannot be rebuilt;
      If He imprisons a man, there can be no release.

 15 If He withholds the waters, they dry up;
      If He sends them out, they overwhelm the earth.

 16 With Him are strength and prudence.
      The deceived and the deceiver are His.

 17 He leads counselors away plundered,
      And makes fools of the judges.

 18 He loosens the bonds of kings,
      And binds their waist with a belt.

 19 He leads princes away plundered,
      And overthrows the mighty.

 20 He deprives the trusted ones of speech,
      And takes away the discernment of the elders.

 21 He pours contempt on princes,
      And disarms the mighty.

 22 He uncovers deep things out of darkness,
      And brings the shadow of death to light.

 23 He makes nations great, and destroys them;
      He enlarges nations, and guides them.

 24 He takes away the understanding of the chiefs of the people of the earth,
      And makes them wander in a pathless wilderness.

 25 They grope in the dark without light,
      And He makes them stagger like a drunken man

Job 39:16-17
(concerning the ostrich that makes it clear that God takes and gives as He please)
16 She treats her young harshly, as though they were not hers;
      Her labor is in vain, without concern, 17 Because God deprived her of wisdom,
      And did not endow her with understanding.


Yes, God does have control of all and it gives me great peace knowing He is in control, the One who is Holy, Perfect, and Just!


God is God!  Let Him have the praise and honor that is due Him, Saints!  Let us humble ourselves and see we are nothing without Him and praise God He has given His children life and that His ways are perfect even at times we do not understand all His ways in our lives, but we can know by His word that He leads His children in victory! Saints many of times in victories there is a death that has to come first!  There is no victory, no power from on high without the fellowship of His suffering, being conform to His death (phil. 3:10).  For there must be a carrying in our bodies the dying of our Lord Jesus that the life of Jesus will be manifested in our bodies (2 Cor. 4:10).  The cross is the normal christian walk.  But, do know Saints that when the sufferings of Christ abound in us so does His comfort(2 cor. 1:7).

God is so faithful and will not forsake His people.  Oh, to think of His love melts my heart.  To taste of His comfort through times of trials makes me fall deeply in love with Him.  Knowing He is not for our harm, but to purify us and make us like His Son!

3/21/2008 08:21:57 am

Hey sister, good post! I read it last night. I was just reading this and it reminded me of your post and wanted to share. Praise God! It is Him who does all the Sovereign work in us! Ok, so here is the scripture:
(Phi 2:13)"... it is God Who is all the while [j] effectually at work in you [energizing and creating in you the power and desire], both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and [k] delight."
This was the AMP version.

Here is what the NL says:
" For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey him and the power to do what pleases him."

It's all Him, all Glory to Him!

Love you sis!
Stay encouraged, Christ is on the throne!


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